We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize