There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
