Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
