There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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