The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
