smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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