Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dignity is for republicans.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
