Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
