And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
