Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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