Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
