he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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