WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
