I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize