Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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