I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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