dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
