i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry about my life...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
