My balls are so social today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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