so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
