YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
