Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
