Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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