I looked at my own cervix.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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