Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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