Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
