i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
