So drunk, too bad you don't want this
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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