theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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