U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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