I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
