Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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