You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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