im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
