She's JV to your varsity
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wear drunk well.
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