the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
