i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
