Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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