Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
