I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
