I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
