its not stalking. its research.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
