so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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