I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
