Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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