a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
