I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
