My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
