its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
