You smell like a Billy Joel song
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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