I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
