We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
