He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
