Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
