The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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