Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
