At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
