if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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