I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
