who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
