Where are you?
In a non slutty way
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
