I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
