just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
