I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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