Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
