Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
