Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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