I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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