What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
