ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
