So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
