No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
