If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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