wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
