Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
