I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
