david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
