yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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