More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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