The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
