Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
