I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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